


Red Shoes & Yellow Bricks (or, The Wizard of U2)

by bonoffee



Category: U2
Genre: Crack, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-14
Updated: 2012-01-14
Packaged: 2017-10-29 12:50:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/320061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bonoffee/pseuds/bonoffee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A short and rather cracked take on a well-known story, just for fun.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Red Shoes & Yellow Bricks (or, The Wizard of U2)

  


Once upon a time there lived a man named Bono. He was a good person who enjoyed helping people less fortunate than himself. He believed it was his destiny to make the world a better place.

One afternoon Bono went shopping. He visited his favourite clothes shop and was ecstatic to see a pair of red shoes in the window display. They were sparkly and high and looked perfect for bringing him face-to-face with world leaders. 

“Can I try these on?” he asked the assistant, who looked at Bono’s small feet and said he would see what he could do. Sure enough, within minutes he presented a pair of the shoes, which Bono took enthusiastically, and he sat down to try them on. He was excited, and was so busy concentrating on the shoes he didn’t notice that his surroundings had changed. It was when he stood to examine how the shoes looked in a mirror that he noticed a big difference. 

Gone was the shoe shop, and in fact gone was Dublin! In its place was a funny looking land, no sign of human inhabitants. 

“Bono, I don’t think you’re in Ireland any more,” Bono said to himself. He shrugged, pleased he didn’t have to pay for the shoes, and set off down a road made of yellow bricks.

He hadn’t gone far when he came across a sad-looking man sitting alone, wearing a beanie, faded jeans and Converses. Bono was happy to see him, for he was The Edge, one of Bono’s best friends. But as Bono approached, he saw that all was not well.

“I need a brain,” Edge explained, not appearing to recognise Bono. “Without it, I can’t play my guitar, and that makes me very unhappy. Can you help me?”

Bono nodded, helping Edge to his feet. “Of course I will. If you can’t play guitar, I’ll have to do it instead, and I’m not sure that’ll work. But wait, how am I supposed to help you?”

Edge shrugged. “Don’t ask me. You have the red shoes.”

Bono had no idea what this meant, but he took Edge’s hand and they followed the yellow brick road until they met another man. This man had muscles and fair hair, and he was very pretty. Bono knew him as Larry, but Larry was looking forlorn.

“I need a heart,” he said sadly, when Bono asked what was wrong. “Without it, I can’t feel the things I used to. I don’t understand when someone loves me. Can you help me?”

“I’ll try,” Bono promised.

“He’s going to help me, too,” Edge added, eyeing Larry up. Clearly he didn’t need a brain in order to perve. 

So the three of them followed the yellow brick road until they met a third man. This man was naked, so it was difficult to concentrate, but Bono managed to ask why he was looking so miserable, particularly as he was well-endowed.

“Oh, I need some courage,” Adam explained. “Otherwise I’ll never be able to have sex again. I’m too scared to let anyone near me. Can you help?”

Bono said he’d do what he could, and the four of them set off together.

“What exactly are you planning to do to help us?” Larry asked after an hour of tedious waking down the same yellow brick road. “This isn’t some fairy story where the answer will be given to you, you know.”

“Maybe donating to a charitable cause would give you some heart,” Bono suggested, annoyed that Larry didn’t think him up to the task. “Wait! That’s it! I’ll stage a huge concert and raise awareness! Then we can get you what you need!”

And he hurried off, adjusting his ‘Africa is my crack’ badge. 

Edge, Larry and Adam all looked at one another. 

“A concert? He thinks getting people together to listen to music will help us?” Edge shook his head. “I mean, even without my brain I’m not sure that will work.”

“Just thank fuck he’s stopped banging on about Africa,” Larry muttered. “Longest mile of my life, that.”

“Gentlemen,” Adam spoke up, “it’s true I have no courage. But if one of you were to fuck me, that would take the problem out of my hands.”

Edge and Larry both agreed this was a splendid idea, and soon all three were rolling around in a field, fucking each other. Edge managed to come up with some amazing positions, and Larry understood that they loved each other. Adam became brave enough to fuck both of the other two. It was just what they’d needed.

As they lay catching their breath, Bono returned, looking triumphant. 

“I arranged the concert, it’ll be great, Sir Bob of Geldof helped me and he told me how to help you!”

“It’s okay, we’re sorted,” Edge mumbled, falling asleep. 

“Just some sexual tension, apparently,” Larry added, stretching.

“Good thing you missed it, really,” Adam concluded, curling up on the grass.

Bono took off his red shoes and threw them at the three.

“This is crap! There’s no place like home!”

Edge opened one eye. “That only works if you keep the shoes  _on_ ,” he advised, snuggling closer to Larry, who in turn threw a leg across Adam’s body.

“I think I liked you better without your brain,” Bono grumbled.  


  



End file.
